The Country Celebrant and The Country Carer

These are unprecedented times, how can we help one another? Life throws us curved balls all the time.  How we deal with those is what makes us who we are. Just imagine that someone you love dearly is dying; under normal circumstances there would be a steady stream of visitors calling to pay their last respects, kindly neighbours with a tin of something, cards, phone calls and flowers.   Then imagine what it would be like to deal with that alone, there are still the phone calls but the human contact is at a distance, remote and frustrating.  Frustrating from both sides ... underlying guilt, real sadness and unbelievably lonely. I cannot visit you any more than your wider family and community can, but I can talk to you via Zoom or Messenger, I am not the same as your family but you don't have to be brave and stoical with me. I trained as an end of life Doula to support both the dying and their immediate family.  If you need support and I can help you, let me know

The Long Barn, Newton Valence, Alton, Hants It would be lovely to see you at this attractive venue in rural Hamphire on Saturday 22nd February 2020 between 11am and 3pm. I will be there to talk you through creating your own bespoke ceremony, the elements that we can incorporate and the magic that can be made.  

It has been a few months since I wrote a piece. I have been busy working on the Doula side of my business and it occurred to me that some of you might be interested to know a little more. Doula comes from the ancient Greek and translates as a handmaiden or servant - birth doulas are trained in supporting a woman through the birthing process.  End of life doulas, sometimes called soul midwives, are trained in supporting someone through the process of dying. Our training is not medical.  We are trained to support a family in the closing days of life, to be an advocate for the person who is dying and to be a shoulder to cry on; a gatekeeper and a friend. My experience of doula-ing is very practical; I will spend time with the dying person to allow the principal carer a break, my role can be to help them to mend fences, clear up loose ends and say goodbye.  I do this by listening to what they want, I encourage the important people to be there and keep the conflict and heartache out

I was asked to write a piece outlining my role as a writer of ceremonies. I take inspiration from the countryside in which I work The first point I would like to make is that it requires training.  I learned during an intensive one to one week with my mentor at the U K Society of Celebrants.  There are other organisations that will train you too.  You never stop learning, each job brings it's own challenges and we are offered the chance to improve our skills regularly. The site of my Father's grave I trained in all aspects of celebrancy; this means that I can write and conduct a funeral, a memorial, a naming ceremony, a wedding, a renewal of vows and I have demonstrated my competence in all of the above. In addition to my training as a Celebrant I went on to train as an End of Life Doula.  The UK Society of Celebrants offers this training as well.  I find that it is a very useful adjunct to my celebrancy work in that it extends the service I am able to offer a

Currently I am supporting a lady as her life draws to a close.  My job is to reassure her through the night.  I arrive at 10 o'clock, she is courteous and appears pleased to see me.  We chat about how she is feeling and I share a few details of my life and what is happening in the world outside her room. I might read to her whilst she prepares to sleep.  Some nights we are up and down quite a bit, I doze on a blowup mattress beside her; it reminds me of sharing a room with a baby.  You relax to a point, but the changes in breathing somehow penetrate your somnambulant state. Last night was extremely peaceful, I find myself writing this journal as I sit beside her.  The room is bathed in the soft glow of a low light, a fan chunters away in the background, dawn is about to break and the day around us is starting. Before she went to sleep I massaged her shoulders and neck with a balm to soothe her pain and provide some warmth and the healing power of human touch.  Her bones a

I thought that some of you might be interested in my work as a Doula. I have worked with families for a very long time; I am a Mother to three wonderful and very nearly grown-up people and I have run a pre-school in Hampshire since forever. When my Father died I wanted to honour him by burying him on his farm.  I struggled to talk to him about his wishes right until the end; I did not have the courage to raise such a personal issue. As is so often the case, events overtook us ... he was terminally ill and had made it clear to the doctors that he wanted no further intervention.  He died in his own bed with those whom he loved carrying on as best they could around him. We buried him in a clearing on the farm.  The only people present were his immediate family, a very compassionate funeral director (who happened to be my son's rugby coach) and the dogs. I knew then that I needed to learn to do this job properly and by that I don't mean the formality of being a celebran