The Country Celebrant and The Country Carer

These are unprecedented times, how can we help one another? Life throws us curved balls all the time.  How we deal with those is what makes us who we are. Just imagine that someone you love dearly is dying; under normal circumstances there would be a steady stream of visitors calling to pay their last respects, kindly neighbours with a tin of something, cards, phone calls and flowers.   Then imagine what it would be like to deal with that alone, there are still the phone calls but the human contact is at a distance, remote and frustrating.  Frustrating from both sides ... underlying guilt, real sadness and unbelievably lonely. I cannot visit you any more than your wider family and community can, but I can talk to you via Zoom or Messenger, I am not the same as your family but you don't have to be brave and stoical with me. I trained as an end of life Doula to support both the dying and their immediate family.  If you need support and I can h...

I thought that some of you might be interested in my work as a Doula. I have worked with families for a very long time; I am a Mother to three wonderful and very nearly grown-up people and I have run a pre-school in Hampshire since forever. When my Father died I wanted to honour him by burying him on his farm.  I struggled to talk to him about his wishes right until the end; I did not have the courage to raise such a personal issue. As is so often the case, events overtook us ... he was terminally ill and had made it clear to the doctors that he wanted no further intervention.  He died in his own bed with those whom he loved carrying on as best they could around him. We buried him in a clearing on the farm.  The only people present were his immediate family, a very compassionate funeral director (who happened to be my son's rugby coach) and the dogs. I knew then that I needed to learn to do this job properly and by that I don't mean the formality of being a ce...

I like to think that the seeds that we sow will grow and flower and in due course set seed themselves. It was thus last weekend; a young man, the son of one of my oldest and dearest friends, asked me to conduct the Naming Ceremony for his daughter. The family now live in New Zealand and so we seldom see them in England.  It was magical to be in an English country garden on a sunny afternoon in June with four generations of the same family enjoying a glass or two and a slice of delicious homemade cake while the newest member of the family, chewing meditatively on a dibber, was named. We added thumb prints to a fantasy tree to mark the occasion and a wonderful time was had by all.

The Country Celebrant: Memorials : I wrote this poem in memory of a dear friend and colleague who lost her battle with cancer a year ago.  I find writing hugely therapeutic and I hope that this poem might strike a cord with you. The Bench ~ by Cindy Groves  Today I'll sit and think of you Tomorrow I may do so too Today I'll hear your laugh again Tomorrow it will be the same If every day could be the last and all the times we had were past Then I would be so happy, free to know that you were close to me Around the corner, down the lane across the meadow, here again The bench would be our meeting spot to laugh and cry and share a lot A place to sit and share a smile to talk and listen, quiet a while A place to cry that you are gone but knowing you has made me strong I will remember and I'll sing about the times we did that thing The silly, mad and happy times the made up games and stupid rhymes The flowers, the paint, th...