The Country Celebrant and The Country Carer

These are unprecedented times, how can we help one another? Life throws us curved balls all the time.  How we deal with those is what makes us who we are. Just imagine that someone you love dearly is dying; under normal circumstances there would be a steady stream of visitors calling to pay their last respects, kindly neighbours with a tin of something, cards, phone calls and flowers.   Then imagine what it would be like to deal with that alone, there are still the phone calls but the human contact is at a distance, remote and frustrating.  Frustrating from both sides ... underlying guilt, real sadness and unbelievably lonely. I cannot visit you any more than your wider family and community can, but I can talk to you via Zoom or Messenger, I am not the same as your family but you don't have to be brave and stoical with me. I trained as an end of life Doula to support both the dying and their immediate family.  If you need support and I can h...

It has been a few months since I wrote a piece. I have been busy working on the Doula side of my business and it occurred to me that some of you might be interested to know a little more. Doula comes from the ancient Greek and translates as a handmaiden or servant - birth doulas are trained in supporting a woman through the birthing process.  End of life doulas, sometimes called soul midwives, are trained in supporting someone through the process of dying. Our training is not medical.  We are trained to support a family in the closing days of life, to be an advocate for the person who is dying and to be a shoulder to cry on; a gatekeeper and a friend. My experience of doula-ing is very practical; I will spend time with the dying person to allow the principal carer a break, my role can be to help them to mend fences, clear up loose ends and say goodbye.  I do this by listening to what they want, I encourage the important people to be there and keep the conflict and...

I thought that some of you might be interested in my work as a Doula. I have worked with families for a very long time; I am a Mother to three wonderful and very nearly grown-up people and I have run a pre-school in Hampshire since forever. When my Father died I wanted to honour him by burying him on his farm.  I struggled to talk to him about his wishes right until the end; I did not have the courage to raise such a personal issue. As is so often the case, events overtook us ... he was terminally ill and had made it clear to the doctors that he wanted no further intervention.  He died in his own bed with those whom he loved carrying on as best they could around him. We buried him in a clearing on the farm.  The only people present were his immediate family, a very compassionate funeral director (who happened to be my son's rugby coach) and the dogs. I knew then that I needed to learn to do this job properly and by that I don't mean the formality of being a ce...

I like to think that the seeds that we sow will grow and flower and in due course set seed themselves. It was thus last weekend; a young man, the son of one of my oldest and dearest friends, asked me to conduct the Naming Ceremony for his daughter. The family now live in New Zealand and so we seldom see them in England.  It was magical to be in an English country garden on a sunny afternoon in June with four generations of the same family enjoying a glass or two and a slice of delicious homemade cake while the newest member of the family, chewing meditatively on a dibber, was named. We added thumb prints to a fantasy tree to mark the occasion and a wonderful time was had by all.

I have been asked now, by a number of people, what a civil celebrant does that is different to a registrar or religious leader I  do not want to offend anyone by leaving religious belief at the door; I was married in Church, I am confirmed and my children were christened. I am also a realist and I am aware that the family dynamic is altering; that fewer people hold religious beliefs and that many ceremonies these days are secular. Every element of a celebrant ceremony is designed to show the participants their role in the joining together of two people so that there is recall and a sense of collective responsibility for the happiness of the couple; the security and future of the child or the cherished memory of the person who has died. Weddings Handfasting ribbons My ceremonies are personal – no two are the same; they are hand written and my aim is to distil the spirit of the couple that I am marrying and present it to them and their guests as the finest expressi...

Weddings with a Difference! Mothers of the Bride and Groom filling the sand frame as part of the ceremony. This summer has been joyous, it has been all about weddings and the celebration of union.  Families brought together by the joining of couples with hand-fastings, sand and candle ceremonies.  There have been many different types of wedding, some quite traditional and others very definitely not. The cast has been roughly the same; the happy couple - often with little children, some with dogs, a pony and a very badly behaved parrot!  Proud parents and grand-parents, emotional bridesmaids in a rainbow of colour, best-men and in one case a best-woman who have delivered speeches that are funny, poignant and blooming cheeky. There have been wonderful impromptu moments that you could not script.  Sunsets and rainbows, a downpour so loud that it stopped proceedings momentarily. I have loved every second of it all - it is a huge privilege to shar...