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The privilege of attending someone at the end of life | End of Life Doula Care

Currently I am supporting a lady as her life draws to a close.  My job is to reassure her through the night.  I arrive at 10 o'clock, she is courteous and appears pleased to see me.  We chat about how she is feeling and I share a few details of my life and what is happening in the world outside her room.



I might read to her whilst she prepares to sleep.  Some nights we are up and down quite a bit, I doze on a blowup mattress beside her; it reminds me of sharing a room with a baby.  You relax to a point, but the changes in breathing somehow penetrate your somnambulant state.

Last night was extremely peaceful, I find myself writing this journal as I sit beside her.  The room is bathed in the soft glow of a low light, a fan chunters away in the background, dawn is about to break and the day around us is starting.

Before she went to sleep I massaged her shoulders and neck with a balm to soothe her pain and provide some warmth and the healing power of human touch.  Her bones are as pronounced and fragile as a bird beneath her skin.  She is graceful and dignified; always solicitous of my comfort and appreciative of what I do.

People ask me why I do this job, it is because of ladies like this client.  Death is inevitable and it should be embraced rather than feared.  If you are able to walk beside someone through those last days, share the care of another human being and offer a little respite to their family; then truly you have made a difference and that is a privilege.

Dawn has broken now, the street is alive with people leaving for work and still sleep cocoons her.  Her breathing is fractured - peaceful in the main and then laboured.

Handing over the baton to the next carer is a matter of relaying the intimate details of another person's life.  It is essential to do but feels sterile and it is impossible to convey the complexity of the shared experience and so I am reduced to the minutiae of needs.

My head is full of the nuances of what makes this lady unique, the timbre of her voice and the words she uses.  Subconsciously I am making notes which will inform her eulogy if I am given the honour of delivering her funeral; even if I am not, they will stay with me.



Life seems many layered and each experience adds to my knowledge.  Human beings are complex but fundamentally we rely on one another to get by.  Knock down the walls around yourself and let other people in, it will make your life richer, better and in turn you will pass the love on to those around you.




www,thecountrycelebrant.co.uk
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  1. Jane the Booklady8 December 2018 at 06:41

    What an important post. It is so easy to fear death and your calm and loving words describing your end of life support are so comforting. I am glad you are by this lady's side.

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