The Country Celebrant and The Country Carer - Death and Bereavement.

www.thecountrycelebrant.co.uk

Symbolism

White Clover - thinking of you

I recently attended my first Death Cafe; not a particularly inviting name, but a meeting of minds and a wonderfully uplifting experience.

We talked about why we were there, what experience we had of death and what we wanted from the evening ... cake was high on the list!  More than anything it was the chance to talk about our experiences and our worries about death and bereavement.

Death is the certainty; but what about the taboos and the awkwardness of dealing with death?  An elderly gentleman spoke movingly about his experiences of death in the old days.  He came from a close knit community where the dead were part of the fabric of everyday life.

The deceased would be laid out in the front parlour and when there was a meal to be had at the table, moved underneath it.  The ladies of the community would come to your house and help you to prepare the body for burial. There was no exclusion, the body was not carted away by a man in a van to be prepared by a stranger.  

Life carried on around the dead and by our proximity to death we became conversant with it, prepared for death - no mystery, just respect and love and involvement.

Pansy - in my thoughts

We talked about keeping our bereavement alive; talking about our loved one, sharing stories and laughing and crying openly and without embarrassment.  We recognised that awful shuffle to the other side of the street by people who do not know what to say or who are too nervous of the emotional interaction to face it.

It bought me to thinking of the symbolism of flowers and their meaning.  In Victorian times the implicit language of a posy of flowers was clear to see.  We wear a poppy in November, people wear daffodils and forget-me-nots to signify their allegiance to various charities who do amazing work.

Would a simple flower, worn in a lapel, indicating loss and the need for support, be useful?

I looked at White Clover - a simple flower with a simple meaning "thinking of you".  Other flowers that have similar meanings, the Pansy from the French pensee - to think, "you are in my thoughts" and Zinnia - "lasting affection" seemed to be possibilities.

Zinnia - lasting affection

In my role as a celebrant I always place a posy of flowers from my own garden onto the coffin.  I do this out of respect for the person whose life I have recalled.  It marks a moment of refection for me before the committal - in future my posy will contain one of these flowers, if the season allows.