It has been a few months since I wrote a piece.
I have been busy working on the Doula side of my business and it occurred to me that some of you might be interested to know a little more.
Doula comes from the ancient Greek and translates as a handmaiden or servant - birth doulas are trained in supporting a woman through the birthing process. End of life doulas, sometimes called soul midwives, are trained in supporting someone through the process of dying.
Our training is not medical. We are trained to support a family in the closing days of life, to be an advocate for the person who is dying and to be a shoulder to cry on; a gatekeeper and a friend.
My experience of doula-ing is very practical; I will spend time with the dying person to allow the principal carer a break, my role can be to help them to mend fences, clear up loose ends and say goodbye. I do this by listening to what they want, I encourage the important people to be there and keep the conflict and heartache out of the way.
Sometimes is is hard to ask pertinent questions; people at the end of life, in my experience, have no illusions. They may be in pain and they may feel unable to die because of something that is preying on their mind. There is no future in this state of affairs and it can take someone who is not intimately involved to see the need, ask the question and help clear the air.
When I am helping a family there is absolutely no expectation that I will be called on to deliver the funeral but it is very much easier for me if I am.
If I am lucky enough to doula for and deliver the funeral then the story is half written already. I am able to use their words, their memories and their cadence to inform the funeral that I deliver.
This brings me to the principle premise, in my opinion, of being a decent celebrant.
In times gone by death was a village affair - the body was laid out in the front room by a local woman who attended births and deaths - it was practical, no nonsense, engaged and real.
Today, death has become sanitized, it happens with hushed tones and that is profoundly difficult for those left behind. There is a disconnection which makes grieving harder and a sense of unreality that creates a barrier to being comforted.
Obviously when death is unexpected there is a limited role for the doula and all credit must go to the amazing health professionals who give of their time and expertise in promoting life and providing excellent care, compassion and knowledge.
The other role that my doula work seems to be taking is that of supporter for those who are bereaved - this is a niche that arises from 20 years of working with young children in a pre-school. I work with parents in advance of their death to create memories for the children - this can be boxes or books of cards, drawings, keepsakes etc. I helped a Mum to write a recipe book for her daughter, little things that may help in rekindling a special memory in years to come.
I have worked at decorating a coffin with a Father and his family - it was less about a decorator's masterclass and much more about the chance to chat and recall and laugh and cry together in advance of the inevitable.
I hope that some of what I have written is of interest to you. I come to doula-ing and celebrancy from a place of love and compassion. I do not have any answers but I am more than willing to share the burden and I make a mean gin and tonic!
I have been busy working on the Doula side of my business and it occurred to me that some of you might be interested to know a little more.
Doula comes from the ancient Greek and translates as a handmaiden or servant - birth doulas are trained in supporting a woman through the birthing process. End of life doulas, sometimes called soul midwives, are trained in supporting someone through the process of dying.
Our training is not medical. We are trained to support a family in the closing days of life, to be an advocate for the person who is dying and to be a shoulder to cry on; a gatekeeper and a friend.
My experience of doula-ing is very practical; I will spend time with the dying person to allow the principal carer a break, my role can be to help them to mend fences, clear up loose ends and say goodbye. I do this by listening to what they want, I encourage the important people to be there and keep the conflict and heartache out of the way.
Sometimes is is hard to ask pertinent questions; people at the end of life, in my experience, have no illusions. They may be in pain and they may feel unable to die because of something that is preying on their mind. There is no future in this state of affairs and it can take someone who is not intimately involved to see the need, ask the question and help clear the air.When I am helping a family there is absolutely no expectation that I will be called on to deliver the funeral but it is very much easier for me if I am.
If I am lucky enough to doula for and deliver the funeral then the story is half written already. I am able to use their words, their memories and their cadence to inform the funeral that I deliver.
This brings me to the principle premise, in my opinion, of being a decent celebrant.
In times gone by death was a village affair - the body was laid out in the front room by a local woman who attended births and deaths - it was practical, no nonsense, engaged and real.
Today, death has become sanitized, it happens with hushed tones and that is profoundly difficult for those left behind. There is a disconnection which makes grieving harder and a sense of unreality that creates a barrier to being comforted.
Obviously when death is unexpected there is a limited role for the doula and all credit must go to the amazing health professionals who give of their time and expertise in promoting life and providing excellent care, compassion and knowledge.The other role that my doula work seems to be taking is that of supporter for those who are bereaved - this is a niche that arises from 20 years of working with young children in a pre-school. I work with parents in advance of their death to create memories for the children - this can be boxes or books of cards, drawings, keepsakes etc. I helped a Mum to write a recipe book for her daughter, little things that may help in rekindling a special memory in years to come.
I have worked at decorating a coffin with a Father and his family - it was less about a decorator's masterclass and much more about the chance to chat and recall and laugh and cry together in advance of the inevitable.
I hope that some of what I have written is of interest to you. I come to doula-ing and celebrancy from a place of love and compassion. I do not have any answers but I am more than willing to share the burden and I make a mean gin and tonic!
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